There are no grades in life...
You can retire your inner A+ student.
This Monday, I started a session letting my client know we would complete two exercises together.
I asked her which one she preferred to begin with: the meditation or the energetic signature.
She responded, "Let's start with the meditation."
I replied: "Great, that was THE correct answer."
Startled for a second, she laughed, saying: "Damn, you hit on the nail!"
In that moment, she noticed her deeply ingrained "A+ student" archetype surfacing.
Many of us unconsciously take on specific personas and attributes that shape how we interact with the world.
With large brushstrokes, here are just a few common archetypes we tend to endorse:
The A+ Student - striving to get the "right" answer. The Righteous Joan of Arc - fighting for a moral cause
The Creative Rebel - pushing boundaries and norms
The Damsel in Distress/ Saving Ryan - waiting for "rescue"
Most archetypes start as helpful models but will also keep us trapped from exploring more nuances over time.
As you may have guessed, my client is working on expanding beyond the limitations of A+ student self and stretching into her badassery.
School gives good students the satisfaction of having aced a test and gotten all the correct answers. Sometimes, at the cost of pushing boundaries and learning through failures.
The challenge comes when wanting the correct answer becomes your default mode and erodes your confidence and trust in yourself.
"Am I doing it correctly?"
Is another question that can keep us stuck in preppy perfectionism.
The difference: A correct decision feels like what you are supposed to do and will keep you wondering: What if?
A right decision feels peaceful on the inside. Everything clicks, and there is a sense of inner peace as we make it.
My 2 cents is there are no right or wrong decisions, only those you decide are "right for you".
If you have internalized your good student, your mind will love to keep you guessing, double-checking, worrying, and doubting yourself. It's wearying if you ask me.
Another of my clients, a creative working on very large projects, literally seen by hundreds of millions of eyeballs, was also stuck trying to get it right.
While we explored her process, she shared she missed her early years, when she had less pressure and space to make mistakes.
So, she decided to create some space for more play and lightness in her own time. She started "Super Suck Wednesday" with her young daughters, where art projects were intentionally messy, and she could experience again the freedom of creating just for art's sake.
The following week, she beamed, sharing that her creative juices had started flowing again with new ideas, and that she had fun!
Even more significant was the fact that she was able to carry that joy back with her to the work meetings.
All this to say that if you feel like your A+ student is in the driver's seat, here are 3 ways to remind her you're too cool for school now:
1- Observing ourselves with as much curiosity and amusement as you can muster
When you second guess yourself, pause and notice what archetypes are active for you, then? Most days, I swing between Joan of Arc and Creative Rebel.
2- Giving ourselves space for play and messiness.
Get intentional about play! Schedule "playtime" on your calendar because play is the brain's favorite way to learn. I use colored crayons.
3- Differentiate the correct answer from the right one.
Next time you feel blocked on a tough decision, ask yourself: Am I looking for the textbook solution or trusting my intuited path? The right choice may produce discomfort but feel like truth deep down. I use this one a lot.
Anyway, I always love how Oscar Wilde perfectly captures the essence of being your authentic self:
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."
While the textbook answer may win external validation, only I can decode my inner wisdom.
Cheers,
Agate+
Want more?
A new podcast to regain headspace and stop playing chess in your head.
If you are ready to excavate those archetypes, schedule a consult with me because you will thrive after you clean up dusty beliefs about yourself.
And a 2 mn video if you want to puzzle your brain insanely!