Perfectionists, beware of coaching!

And if you felt "not good enough" lately, welcome to the club!

Coaching can raise a career from the dead (countless clients found jobs after deep career fogs,) but it can also leave some empty with bad side effects <-click and laugh!

Especially for perfectionists!

When I started coaching, I was surprised to notice that people new to the practice achieved faster results than those familiar with it.

Newbies jumped into the process with comfort, eagerness, and freedom.

I assumed it was the beginner's brain because they didn't know what to expect. Like jumping off a plane, stats show less than 2% will ever jump a second time. 

And simultaneously, I noticed that seasoned clients were controlling and resistant to change. One client would send me the specific agenda the day before our sessions which eventually became a joke between us.

Because the contradictions were so fascinating, you know me, I had to investigate.

So, I looked at my "pro coachees" -one even had a coaching certification herself!

The first noticeable difference was that they came to coaching with a laser-sharp goals they wanted to achieve.

Clarity is good, beats fog brain! 

However, they also tried to control every step of the process and were not only specific about how they wanted their results to show up (like I need to find a job through a recruiter!).

That's when I realized they were after "Perfect Coaching"!

And, perfection energy dampens outcomes big time. 

So, if you are prone to perfectionism, here are three traits to watch for: 

1- Having idealized goals. 

Idealized goals are easy to spot: they are "plain vanilla classic goals everybody wants." 

You know, the formulaic ones: nice company, good salary, purpose, of course, and a white picket fence all around it. 

Goals so polished, they lack spice and sound almost Chat GPTesque.

If your goal isn't a little crazy and doesn't lit you up from the inside, it's an idealized one. 

2- Overfocusing on flaws. 

Perfectionists are smart: they know what they don't know. 

They are acutely aware of their imperfections and work hard to eradicate them. Like Achille, they forget their superpowers and focus on their wound. 

So, if not careful, coaching will trap perfectionists in a never-ending self-improvement loop that is hard to escape. Trust me, still working on it!

3- Love External validity 

They are attracted by "experts" that can help them achieve high standards. And will only partially own their results because they credit them to those external teachers. 

And you know the "power of compound" effect; in teh long run, it slowly erodes their inner confidence.

So what can a straight-A mindset that is eager to excel but doesn't want to feel empty after coaching do?

Work with high integrity coaches who value sovereignty.

You'll have to tune up your ears and be open to hearing a different tune than the one promising you big fat and fast results. 

Also ask coacheshow they handled their own control freak instincts; takes one to know one!

Coaching is all about regaining authority and feeling IN control (vs controlling the external which is imppossible hence exhausting).

BTW, if you give the external more authority than your internal, you are at risk of burnout. 

Do you know the Pareto Principle?

Zero gravity starts when you reach 80% internal and 20% external validation. 

That's also when reality realigns around you drastically. 

"Perfection is just fear in high heels and a mink coat, pretending to be fancy." wrote Elisabeth Gilbert

So if you find a typo above or see me in Birkenstocks, you'll know I'm taming my fears.

Outerspace is awaiting!

Happy Friyay!

Agate

STUFF: 

• I invite you to move with me and subscribe to this newsletter on Substack where you can even invite that weird friend whose soul is a little burned-out.  
  
  Also, I will be randomly sharing short stuff like the books I've read and LOVED. And samples of my own Zero Gravity work. 
  

• I was a guest of  Dana Innouye's podcats Rewild your life. It felt like speaking with your favorite wild friend who can get the deep personal stories we carry inside! So fun.