How to keep your Villain happy...

Feed it some: "No!"

It's Halloween, a perfect time to chat about the delicate balance between niceness and assertiveness.

Many of my kindest, most thoughtful clients share their fear that if they become more direct, they'll suddenly turn into a villain.

One even used the word: dictator!

Niceness and kindness are not the same. 

Niceness avoids healthy conflict to keep the status quo. 

Kindness means speaking up for what's best, even if it causes short-term discomfort.

Truth is, being soft-spoken and avoiding confrontation won't get you far in competitive fields like fashion—even in Prada. 

Calm directness shows you're decisive and not to be taken advantage of.

So when you feel pushed around at work or steamrolled at work, remember, advocating for yourself doesn't make you horrible. 

It makes you human and might even spare you from bullies.

Here's a fun Halloween challenge for Mr. & Mrs. Nice Guy: Nickname yourself "Dr. No" and ask questions sure to get a "no":

"What a cute dog, can it take home?"

"Will you lend me your credit card for the weekend?"

"Nice jacket! Can I have it?"

The game consists of collecting NOs and becoming familiar with hearing them. 

 

It's fun and two things will happen: 

1/You'll experience people's boundaries with all the nuances of responses: from hell no to hesitant no. 

2/you'll feel NO and YES's real power again.

To maintain a healthy villain, entertain it!

Play speeds up learning new tricks; it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in the brain unless it is done in play, in which case it only takes 10 to 20 repetitions.

Go Halloween yourself! 

Agate

Want More:

Here's the 7 deadly sins of interviewing  and how to avoid them!

And if you want to know what I'm earring for Halloween, you have 2h to catch my story on Insta.